Monday, 31 July 2006


Last night, I got BARRED from THIS pub!

How rock 'n roll am I?...and I only pulled a gun in the middle of a cocaine deal too! Pfff

Kidding... It was actually a lot less rock 'n roll than that and it wasn't even my fault.
I was a 'barred' virgin, so this is a first for me, but I guess it's another check mark on the list of things to do before you die!

The story:
Sunday night, a friend and I decided to bicycle off to a local public house, The Queen's Head in Wolverley, and enjoy a fermented alcoholic beverage or two.

There is a small stream and bridge by the pub, and upon leaving the establishment for the evening, the sound of running water was far too testing for my inebriated friend Butter* to resist or should I say 'oh he who has bladder the size of a small mammal'.
So, he darts under the bridge and goes for a wee while I un-padlocked the bikes from the bridge railings.

Then, I'm suddenly startled by a rather loud, hearty and unfriendly "oi" and look up to see the pub's generically beer bellied landlord stood outside scowling at my urinating mate. The proprietor then instructs him to use the toilet inside.

A perfectly reasonable request I thought, so Butter stops wee'ing and walks past me, looking a little sheepish and murmurs "oops" to me on his way past back to the pub.
I carry on unlocking the bikes and wait for Butter to re-emerge while the landlord paces up and down the front of his pub, arms folded, like a WWII Russian commissar with attitude.

Butter then emerges from the pub a minute later, walks up to the landlord and apologises, but the Landylordy sternly replies, "I don't care - your not welcome in here anymore, and that goes for your mate too!" and saunters back off into the pub!

I just stand there, mouth open, completely speechless at how unreasonable this guy has just been towards two of his paying customers and what the hell did I do to deserve being barred as well??? Grrr

I was going to take it up with him, but given how unreasonable he was, I thought I'm not going to get anywhere with a heathen like this, so left it be!

Some people eh, especially as we are not loud or obnoxious or anything like that, quite the opposite in fact and my mate did go and apologise to him.
Butter was very much in the wrong and definitely should not of wee'd in the stream, but it wasn't like he was pissing up his front door or like we hurled abuse at him or something.

Totally out of order, over the top and down right unfriendly. Grrr

Oh well, the search for a new local is now on!

Anyone else been banned from anywhere?

[* His last name is Butterfield; the nickname has stuck from school and he hates it, LOL]

Today, I'm Most Angry About: Putting half a bag of gone-off cement into my wheelie bin and it landed on a bin bag containing last weekend's curry scraps, which ruptures and covers me in a fine spray of Lamb Rogan Josh! Grrr.. Oh boy did it ming. :[
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 3/10


Stu said...

Yes indeed!

One from the archives:

Aoj and The Lurchers said...

Tchoh! You are such a hooligan aren't you!? Only you could get banned for doing nothing! ;)

Phil said...

Remarkable! That's on par with my unreasonable ban. What is it with some people?

Hehehe, well actually Stu got barred from somewhere too for doing nothing, but yes, it would happen to me wouldn't it!

Anonymous said...

Banned for doing nothing???!!! HAhahahahahahahahahaha LOL
As for your concrete and curry, what are you doing mixing landfill with compostibles? (Having just spent 10 minutes clearing up seagull strewn rubbish left by the neighbours unsorted and therefore uncollected on "green" day)

karen said...

I had a bit of a misunderstanding with the library over a book about tropical fish. I said I'd returned it, they said I'd stolen it so they fined me. I refused to pay and they said I was barred from every library in Dorset until I paid up. That was 10 years ago. Oh how very rock 'n' roll.
Poor Dogga tho! And it looks such a nice pub :(

Dakota said...

Now I am disillusioned!! British television always led me to believe you had to be obnoxious or get into fights and stuff to get barred! Tsssk….. television, it’s all fake ;(

I hope you’ll find your new local soon, but that should be too difficult in a land full of pubs….. or is that a myth too? (I’m questioning everything now ;))

Phil said...

It was only a small amount of curry! I'd bought it from Sainsbury’s, not a big waste, literally a scraping from my plate and a highly unfortunate event! :]

Banned from all Libraries in Dorset! LOL, now THAT is rock 'n roll, you rebel you.
I'm crossing the road next time I see you coming towards me. :]

Hahaha, you normally do, this is why I'm so stunned! :`[
It's true, there are a ridiculous amount of pubs over here, not that I'm complaining, of course! It shouldn't be too hard to find another. There are two more just a stone throw away from my house. :]

Arctic Monkey said...

Bad day huh?!?! haha, im sorry, its all just really funny! haha xxx

Kayla said...

Tsk Tsk...
Never pee anywhere remotely close to a church!
Wow..the photos of the pub, cottages and St. John the Baptist church are stunningly beautiful.
Is it as charming as it looks?
(Heathen landlord aside, that is??)

Anonymous said...

I have never been banned from a bar... Actually, all we have ever done is walked out on a $150 bill and never had the balls to go back.

Yoda said...

I think you should sneak in one day and pee on the walls. The worst he can do is to barr you from his pub, right?

Phil said...

A good day with a dodgy ending, but it was all a good laugh regardless. :] x

Welcome back Kayla!
It is a beautiful place... A very small and tranquil village - I used to walk through there on the way to high school everyday!
Robert Plant from Led Zepplin, if you've heard of them, drinks here!

$150!!! how naughty! Slapped wrists for you :]

Hahaha, yeah, what a great idea! :]

Anonymous said...

HA HA you got barred from the queens head - officially the worlds most boring pub and your probably the only person EVER to be barred from there! use to drink there eons ago - even saw the plantmeister himself!!!

only place ever got barred from - The Foutain, probably the second most boring pub in the world!

Phil said...

Steve Le Chef:
Hahaha, hello sir!
Yeah, it's not the most exctiting place, but doesn't that make me even more special? :]
...and you, the Fountain!!! I used to drink there all the time and got up to allsorts. Even if I tried I reckon I couldn't of got barred from there.
What on earth did you do sir?

Anonymous said...

Some misunderstanding with crisps - i mean she didn't even have her teeth in, how could she eat them? Suck them downn? Shouldn't of hid her walking sticks though, bit OTT really!!

Phil said...

Patch Bitch:
Hahahaha... You win. Now that sounds like reasons to be barred! Please tell me the story over a beer on our next meeting. :]

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