Monday, 30 October 2006


The weekend before last saw seven of us spend a long weekend afloat a narrowboat...

It's a very tranquil experience, apart from the odd grumpy fisherman, forced to move their rod out of the way while you pass, and make a fuss about it. Sorry, but I didn't realise the canals were solely built for fishing in! :[]
You also drift by the generic boat owners, who habitually shout at you, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SLOW DOWN PAST MOORED BOATS, MORON!", regardless of how slow you actually go by.

This was our vessel: A 67 foot canal boat, 8 beds, 2 bathrooms and even a TV and stereo. (Although I had to fix the stereo)

Inside the craft. The kitchen and dining area with the seat on the right becoming my bed of an evening.
Despite the length, there's not much girth, (yes, I know, fnar, fnar) so you're always up close and personal with your fellow shipmates, so not a lot goes by unheard or unfelt...

Andy, Duncs, Mart, Luke and Amy at the helm.
I love to climb around the sides of the boat and lie on the roof!

The British weather showed us a good performance too. A short, but sharp shower came over when Martin was at the tiller, so he got a tad damp, shall we say.. UNLUCKY!!!

More extreme cow torching... Cow figurehead! Mooooooo

Aww, don't 13 year old children* look sweet when they're asleep?
I dunno actually... Do they?

The weekend's slight technical hitch: Come on now, the weekend wouldn't have been complete without one now would it!
Somehow, a large piece of fencing wire got wrapped around the propeller, so Andy and Mart tried to get it out, but the use of our junior hacksaw and pliers were futile, so we called an engineer out, put our feet up and cracked open the beers. Problem solved!

My big sis (age, not physical size) enjoying a cup of cha.

I was messing around with the built-in effects on my camera and took this beauty, which resulted in Duncs looking very much like Wilfred from the Beano's Bash Street Kids! :)

An exciting part of our chosen route, was the trip through Wast Hill Tunnel, which takes quite a while to get through as it's an impressive 2.5km / 1.5 miles long!

The whole trip took about as long as this shutter speed I think!

Daylight at the other end! I had begun to forget what it looked like.

...and smile for the camera Luke...

Monday morning was an early start, *cough* 8:30am, as we needed to get the boat back. The sunrise and morning mist was very scenic indeed.

[* Oops, sorry, I get told off if I address her as a child, now she's a rational, mature acting teenager of course, LOL]

Today, I'm Most Angry About: Thinking it was a good idea to introduce some of my new chilli puree to the chicken stir-fry I was making for tea, just to pep it up a bit like, but I seriously underestimated the power of the humble chilli, as I had to give up half-way through eating it, due to excessive nose running and involuntary removal of all taste buds.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning's re-entry sequence :-o

Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 5/10

Today's Top-Tip: McDonalds - Make all of your packaging materials green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of chav car windows.

Friday, 27 October 2006

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

I received yet another classic e-mail today, but this time from my friend Chris, who works at an art college in Birmingham:

Just had to email into work absent.

This sounds like a pathetic excuse, but I'm in agony. Cleaning my teeth, had a huge coughing fit, started to wretch and pulled a muscle in my back - I know, I know it sounds like a dodgy excuse, but I'm bent over double and I can hardly straighten out and have to crawl around to get anywhere - I cant believe it!

I'm going back to bed.
Later Dog

It does sound like the worst excuse ever, but I'm sure it's true.

I love the way he E-MAILED into work ill!!!

Today, I'm Most Angry About: My building society and their credit cards... OMG... Massive rant coming to a blog near you... REAL soon!
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 8/10

Today's Top Tip:
Gamblers. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

Thursday, 26 October 2006


Yesterday afternoon shedded some light on my previous post regarding a missing nun:

It turns out to be one of four nun-bullets from the Managing Directors 'NunChuck' gun... of course!

Today, I'm Most Angry About: Spotting my Ultrasonex toothbrush being sold on QVC for under half the price I paid for it from! Grrr... And I don't normally watch QVC!
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 3/10

Today's Top Tip:
Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains!

Tuesday, 24 October 2006

Is This Yours..?

This afternoon, I received the most surreal e-mail ever... And I've received a lot of e-mails in my time, both serious and jokes, but this beauty came from our lovely accountant Helen and was 100% genuine!

From: Helen Shaw
Sent: 24 October 2006 2:10
To: Phil Key
Subject: Nun

By the front door I have just found a miniature nun. Sounds bizarre, I know (about 1" high, black & white of course) just wondered if it was yours???!!

If it's not claimed, then it will go into Sue's card making pot!


Addition: I've just noticed something slightly alarming: The lack of a CC line! So out of the entire company, I'm the only one who gets sent this! Mmm, an official investigation is now underway... :)

Today, I'm Most Angry About: Spam! I was away from work for 3-days and got back to receive 437 e-mails, of which 413 were complete junk... Grrr :[]
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 5/10

Today's Top Tip: Single men - Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside women's clothing shops with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside!

Friday, 20 October 2006

Hot Chip...

Hi all - The Doggboy is back!
I've had a short break due to being "unwell". Sometimes I suffer from mild depression and self doubt, and when I do, I very much worry that I'll write the wrong thing, so I don't blog.
Thank you to all those who have asked where I have been and those who support me when I'm down. Anyway, I'm back now, so here goes...

Last week I went with a few friends, including most of the members of sc├śre, to see 'Hot Chip' play in Birmingham and they were great. I've only recently been introduced to this band and have to admit I'm still getting used to their unique style, but at least half of the tracks on the latest album are great!

One of their best tracks is 'Over and Over' and can be heard, complete with video, on their MySpace site here. [Scroll down to see video, but first PRESS PAUSE on the MP3 that annoyingly auto-plays at the top]

Hot Chip played in a bit of a dive of venue called the Irish Centre and it was really hot, smoky and getting a drink from the bar was as good as impossible; the queue was relentless. I even spied a gorgeous barmaid and that wasn't enough to make me queue, so it must have been bad!!! It was nice to see XTA gear being used though. :]

We parked the car in a rather odd car park, where the entrance is made from old crushed cars, as the picture terribly shows due to poor light. I presume this is to put you off not buying a ticket, as this is what may happen to your car if you do not.

As a bonus, I found £3 in the ticket machine, so used that to buy the ticket and then the machine spat the money back out again, after issuing me a ticket! Result, free parking and free money.

Well, this morning I'm off for a long weekend break on a narrow boat.
See ya'll next week!

Today, I'm Most Angry About: Loosing a pair of favourite socks, then finding them, then loosing them again in the space of 10 minutes??????? Grrr - Where are you hoof covers?
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 0.7/10

Today's Top-Tip: Don't waste money on paper shredders. To avoid having your identity stolen, simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

Wednesday, 4 October 2006

Stop Press...

Woo hoo... Doggboy makes it into the press! Well actually, into an audio industry magazine - Pro Audio Asia

It's not the first time I've had my mugshot in an audio industry magazine, but it's been a while.
The company I work for had a sort of overview and history written about it, but I look half asleep in the picture (which I was) and a bit camp too, so I'm keeping the picture small. :]
I'm stood next to our International Sales and Marketing manager Guy.

Going off on a complete tangent here: On the weekend I received this odd text message from a friend and all I can say is, I'm glad he was restricted to 160 characters:

"Alright spudhead? Out for a pint of potato juice tonight? Usual time? Bondage gear? A small goats hoof? Random jigsaw pieces?"

Luckily I never say any of the items mentioned above! :]

Today, I'm Most Angry About: People using their mobile phones while driving... AGAIN! Grrr
OK, leaving work today, I'm sat in the usual traffic jam going onto a small island outside work. A woman halfway round the island stops and lets the car out in front of me - fair enough.
I then pull up to the island and wait for this woman to go past, but she doesn't, she stays right where she is, so I give her a few courteous seconds and then pull out too, assuming she is also letting me out.
Then, after a while, I notice her suddenly pull right up to my car (within inches) and I have no idea what she is doing so close, but this were I notice she is on her mobile phone, and presumably she was so engrossed in her conversation she didn't pull forward, thus unintentionally letting me out when she didn't want to and now wants to rectify her mistake.
My theory was then proved, as when the car in front started to move, she floors it and pulls up right across the front of my car blocking me in on the island itself, STILL ON HER BLOODY MOBILE PHONE!!!
Unbelievable... my blood instantly boiled... so I gave her the infamous Dogga lengthy horn blast, which pleasingly resulted in her putting down her phone immediately. Grrr, stupid cow!!!
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 7.5/10

Sunday, 1 October 2006

Three Fs...

A bit of a random post folks, but it clears a few things up:

F1 = Fancy Dress: A few weeks ago, I posted a You Tube video of a Devo song and Sarah came up with the idea of me dressing like a member of Devo from the video... So, HERE it is Sarah...

The best I could do with a gym kit, electricians tape, a pair of kids sunglasses and my guitar
10 house points to anyone who can tell me what chord I'm playing?

F2 = Flicks: This weekend was a bit of a cinema frenzy.
On Friday night, a friend and I went to see the Dirty Sanchez Movie. Oh dear, oh dear, when bunch of Welsh guys travel the world coming up with Jack Ass style stuff, but far cruder (and better in my humble opinion) AND then make a movie of it, I just had to go see it and boy did I laugh... a lot!!! We were grossed out a few times too though. :[]

On Sunday night, I went to see Clerks II and I was not disappointed.
Firstly, me and a friend had the entire cinema to ourselves, as it was a last showing and about to end it's cinema run anyhow.
So off with the shoes, feet on the chairs, bodily functions functioning without due care and attention for other viewers and hour and forty of laughing was enjoyed.

It was a bit like the first movie, but it's best not to try and be that clever and arty again, so they went for a more main stream style and it worked. It was just as funny and a little deeper this time round too!

F3 = Footwear: Kees and Dakota asked about my new shoes, although they are not really shoes, nor trainers, definitely not pumps, so what are they? I dunno - I call them hooves, as I do with all my feet coverings.

They are a lovely new pair of Cats that I purchased from Stourport's factory seconds shop for £28. I just can't resist a bargain, but I had no idea they had built in dog shit magnets...
Darn, that's why they were going so cheap!

Today, I'm Most Angry About: People using their mobile phones while driving. Grrr..
A guy in front of me, on the way home from work today, failed to notice a set of traffic lights turn to green, because he was so distracted by his phone conversation.
I gave him a courteous few seconds, but then blasted my horn, holding it on long enough to make even me feel a little uncomfortable, but it achieved maximum humiliation effect for him. :]
He dropped his phone, put the car in gear and kangarooed off, much to my delight!
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 7/10