After my last visit to the Tan Hill Inn, a friend came up with a great idea for the approaching April Fools Day, so with that idea I put pen to paper *ahem* fingers to keyboard and created this spoof letter to the landlady...
I receive an e-mail from the landlady today, stating this:
"WELL after shouting c*** 10 times at the top of my voice with all the customers listening to me, the place when deadly quiet!!! I had to do 20 copies to show them all what I was shouting about!" LOL... Oops
It read as follows:
Tan Hill Inn
Saturday, 31st March 2007 - Project Ref: PK003 AGGOD 007AG
Dear Tracy Daly,
I am writing to you today to inform you of our latest development. You may have already spotted some of our surveyors on-site, near to your premises, so I thought I would write to you personally, as not to let any erroneous rumours or suspicions arise.
You may or may not be aware of our plans to build a more modern and higher attraction in your vicinity in association with Northumberland National Park. The development will house a combined visitor centre and public house, along with catering and accommodation for walkers and cyclists.
Planning permission has gone through to build the establishment ¼ mile from the Tan Hill Inn at a slightly more prominent and elevated position. The new attraction will be called ‘Tan Hill Lodge’ and we hope to complete the project by Early 2008. You will be glad to hear we have the backing of both Theakston and Black Sheep Breweries, making convenient combined deliveries to the both of us.
Unfortunately, this obviously means we will take your title of the Highest Inn in Great Britain, but we will cooperate with you on every level to ensure you are still recognised as the original inn before this new-build. You will also be able to see the new site from Tan Hill Inn and we will make sure the guest rooms have a view over your inn and that you get a small mention in our promotional material.
We plan to start work at first light Monday, so I will apologise in advance for any disruption or noise we make, but most importantly, the road will be initially closed for two to six weeks, so you may want to inform any of your guests that are currently staying with you, as they will have to walk or cycle to get to you in this period - It may be worth cancelling any arrangements with guests. We will do everything we can to keep this disruption time to a minimum and would like to thank you for your patience.
If would like to get more involved in the project, then the Richmondshire Volunteer Centre (RCVS) would be very appreciative of any spare time that yourself, Mike or your staff would be willing to give up to lend a hand, if only for an hour or two each week.
We would greatly appreciate it if we could use some of your parking space to keep some of our vehicles over-night, just for the initial stages of construction. This is only a temporary measure, but is necessary for security and keeping us on target for the completion deadline.
Also, we would like to arrange accommodation with you, as many of our workers will be on shifts throughout the night, so if we could come to an agreement of putting up about five or six of our staff each night at a special very discounted rate, that too would be a great help.
Thanks for your understanding and collaboration in this matter and I would appreciate it if you could call me directly on 07768 *** *** at your convenience to go over any thoughts you may have.
Mr K. Narp
‘Tan Hill Lodge’ Project Leader
Hook... Line... AND... Sinker!!!
The phone number at the end was of the friend who came up with the idea (as they would recognise mine) and right on cue just before midday, the landlady Tracy called the number and started shouting many expletives down the phone. My mate then subtly asked her what the date was and then the penny dropped it was a joke! It couldn't of worked better, although I think I'm now fired and no longer welcome back there!
Rubbing salt into the wound, we then pointed out that the sender's name K. Narp is 'prank' backwards and the reference number at the top of page consists of the guilty parties initials and DOGGA is written backwards in the middle!Oh, and a big massive thanks to Rachel who became a partner in crime and hand delivered the pre-sent letter on the Sunday :]
Today, I'm Most Angry About: Drunken and abusive people who have no concern for others... Grrr... A minor bottle smashing and foul language incident happened in the pub tonight that upset two of the barmaids.
Grrr-O-Meter Rating: 7/10
Today's Top Tip: Always pooh at work - Not only will you save money on toilet paper, you'll also be getting paid for it.